trippy

The date is November 23rd. Year 2011.
this is a few hasty draft that haven't been developed into a more vivid form yet. but here it goes ...

1. I do enjoy rain and those white noise they're creating. It prevents me from thinking the avoidable. The solitude and volatility! Those cold breeze! It was allright until i saw the lightning. I do affraid of thunder. It has something to do with commotion, sudden aghast, which none of the above i fancy with. And something with my past, if i must say. You have no idea how was it feels like ; having your car crashed by a fallen tree because of lightning.
2. I don't believe i have the ability to compose a good song, so i never made one. But what a torment it is! To hear a good song over and over again, and realize that they were made from a jolly simple chords. Then said a voice from afar ; "You could do better than this." But you never did. Now you attempt to made one, but you were affraid. Something to do with my past again? Failure does not have a good revenue on me.
3. Talking about failure, i have tendencies to choose sadness over happiness. It always joy versus guilt, and the person who makes you unhappy may not even realize what they've done to you. What you've done to keep them happy. How you struggle with your guilt. And sadly, i've done that time over time. Why did i always done scrubby stuffs just to keep other person, the kind of person that doesn't care whether you're alive of not, and regreting it afterwards? I don't want to see this kind of world anymore.
4. Freedoms are dangerous. Well, at least to me. I need to be controlled ; not in an excessive way, just in enough amount to keep me in path. I like to keeping busy everyday, wherever it may lead me to. Exhaustion, as always. But fatigue are better way to remind you that you're alive other than void.
5. Am i that persistent? Or is that you being so ignorant? Is it me being stubborn? Or it's just you that so ignoramus? I believe everyone does have a good seed inside. Why aren't you treat yours well?
6. Am i turning into an agnostic? Because i don't believe that there is such 'punishment' if we don't behave well. You get what you give, even pure oxygen cost a dough. And love does cost a numerous amount of phone credit.